Just yesterday Uppi gave us a treat on his promotion. Well I also got promoted, but looks like Uppi has a fat wallet and a bigger heart :-). Three cheers to him!
The main theme that ran across the party was "again" the overdiscussed marriage topic. Just an year back I was not spending anytime discussing this topic, but for the past year this is the only topic that is being discussed! I had no option than to get sucked in. I have now discussed this topic with my bachelor friends, recently married friends, parents, and with friends who got married long back. Each one has something different to say about it. Most of the time I have discussed and joked about it with my bachelor friends who are looking for a girl. We even discussed the merits of Walmart's 90 day return guarantee :-)
I still find it strange how risky marrying is in India! It is indeed a BIG leap of faith!! I find it even more strange that overwhelming number of marriages succeed. Does it mean that any guy is right for any girl, or that Indians in general are too good at adapting? Whatever the end result is, it's the initial process that scares me. Parents find a girl that they think might be right for you. All you know about her is - her name, age and educational background. You might have seen the photo but who knows what she might look like in the real life?! Same holds true for girl. If anything I guess it's more scary for the girl, because she would be leaving her support system (her parents) behind after marriage.
So my question is - is this an ideal setting to get married? Or are we compromising more than we should, before taking supposedly the biggest decision of our life? There are a few cases where people fall in love and then marry. Even this is frowned upon by parents in our dear nation. Love marriage usually happens after long courtship and both guy and girl know each other pretty well, so this is better than the first scenario. But still, as per me even love marriage is not an ideal scenario. I believe that you come to know a person ONLY when you live with him/her. Only when you stay with a person you realize how good or bad he is. There are so many small things that you might drive you crazy! Not to go too far, take the case of your snoring roommate!!
This is where I love US :-). The process here is pretty mature. You first meet the girl, if you see a spark you meet her again. If after an year or so it is still going strong then you move in together. If you pass this final phase then you marry! People would point out that still the divorce rate in US is higher than in India. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the process is at fault. It just as simply mean that the people are way too independent here. They believe that it's better to stay apart and be happy than stay together and crib. Afterall you have got just one life! We can argue to death the pros-cons of all this, but if you are meeting the girl for the first time to see if she is right for you all I have to say is "All the best dude and I will ask you after 2 years if you made the right choice!"
Monday, October 16, 2006
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3 comments:
Though I dont agree with you here, I do agree that the name of the topic you chose is the best (from your point of view).
Man, you belong to US. All the best to you :-)
PS: I think you should market urself a bit more. You got nice ideas for sure
Your post title rocks and I totally agree with your view too. Only a live-in rel'ship can tell you for sure whether the marriage is gonna work or not.
As for your question about how most marriages in India are successful, you answered it yourself. They only appear so. In US, people are readier for divorce. Here it's just made to look as if the marriage is happy, b'cuz society doesn't take well to divorcees, which is why people stick together and are unhappy for the rest of their lives.
So the statistic that should matter is not high divorce rates in US, but the high incidence of happiness in marriages, which is absent in India.
One more point though: in arranged marriages, what happens is: when the partner is from the same background as you are (caste, education, family n' whatnot), it happens to be a decent match more or less. People here are OK with 'more or less'. Few strive (or are given the option of striving) for a 'near-perfect rel'ship'
You are developing a nice school of thought :) Congrats on ur promotion man!! a little late.but then u never told me :)
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